The Ice Queen Thaws

I have an announcement. As it turns out, I do have feelings, and they are capable of being hurt.


It has been a running joke in my family for a long time that I do not allow myself to have feelings and was therefore dubbed the "Ice Queen". I really was a cold and detached person in the past
and was sympathetic to no one. If I saw someone wollowing in self pity, my response would always be, "Suck it up, and move on". Good thing God didn't have that attitude towards me.
I seem to be thawing in these last few years. The more I grow spiritually, the more I feel. Especially sympathy/empathy.


So my daughter is turning twelve and having a slumber party in a couple of weeks. She has invited several girls to the house, I don't even know how many. But one little girl's parents told her she could not come. The reason.......(drumroll)........because they think I'm weird. What !?! Me !?! The funniest part is that this little girl has been over a couple of times and Sara has been to her house, and I really went out of my way to be super normal friendly mom, as we all do when we meet new friends' parents. I wasn't trying to be fake, just nice. I'm glad, if they saw the whole me, I might have been committed! Apparently I am the only mother who puts on mullet wigs and impersonates 80's rock stars!


Sometimes I feel like I have this big sign on my forehead that says, "Hi, I'm different! Don't get too close". I feel like an outsider a lot. But I was beginning to think that most people feel that way. I have shared with a select few that I have a problem with feeling like people look down on me, and are judging me, and so therefore I am a little intimidated by those people, just to hear that a lot of that select group felt the exact same way.


So what's the deal, why do we feel this way? I have convinced myself that it is a cheap trick of the devil to keep us from getting to know each other and develop close relationships. I made a decision a couple of years ago that I would just be myself as much as possible, and they could either love me or leave me, but I am going to be who I am. Honestly, I don't know how well it's working out for me. I have made some great new friends, but it looks like I'm losing some for my kid. Sad! I guess you can't win them all.

Revealed by the Fish

I had a great day today. Nothing spectacular or earth changing, just a great day. Have you ever had the feeling that your whole world is about to change, and you are totally at peace with it?

Our worship pastor sparked a conversation this past weekend about creation. He asked us to recall a time when God revealed himself to us through his creation. I didn't respond out loud, but many of the choir members began to describe their experiences. The sky, the Grand Canyon, sunsets. One gave an awesome example of a natural "phenomena" in Colorado that I have never heard of, but sounds incredible.

I could recall many such examples, but there is one example that (to me) should leave even the hardest heart out there reeling in awe. It's the design of our universe, that's all. Every drop of space and matter is made of protons and electrons spinning around each other, and that is the basis for everything. I think about how every living thing depends on the millions of other living things for survival, and that if any part of the system is weakened, all the other parts are effected. I think about how the universal concept seems to be rotation, from the tiniest said protons and electrons to the solar systems that rotate around the stars. How any human alive can look at this universe and not acknowledge an intelligent creator baffles me.

I'll give one more example before I turn in. And this time I'll bring it in on a smaller scale. I had a creation revelation while snorkeling a few weeks ago. That was my first time and I found myself in awe of the spectacular ecosystem just below the surface of water. At first, you notice the schools of larger fish swimming in sync. But as you focus in on the rocks, all kinds of living organisms come into the picture. Tiny brilliantly colored fish, bottom feeders, crabs, fish that match the color of the sand and you don't notice them until they move, and I'm sure so much more than that. I felt like a little girl. It really made me realize how much I still have to experience, all that I don't know, and how much more there must be out there.

It's a great question, when was the last time God revealed Himself to you throughHis creation?

The Rock and the hard place

I heard a very thought provoking sermon this weekend that left me feeling excited to be a part of what God is doing in our community, as well as challenged to step up to the plate. He spoke about how we must build bridges to connect believers with those outside of church walls. Our example being Christ, who build the bridge to connect us to God. I love that our church body is moving in this direction!

One thing he said that really grabs my attention is that the gap between Christians and the secular world is broadening. It is so true. It's getting harder and harder to reach unbelievers. Everyone seems so synical and desensitized. I find myself wondering what it takes now days to reach lost people.

When I was lost, the one person that really got through to me was a small group leader that was completely honest with me. She told me about her drinking days, struggles with depression, how her brother had committed suicide, that she was lonely and was sometimes tempted to give up this good fight and go to bar and find her a man. Sounds pathetic, but she got my attention. I thought, "Finally, someone real!" I found some hope in the fact that she had been that person in the past and now she was a worship leader and a Sunday school teacher.

It was true for me and I think it's true for most people. The lost are looking for someone who will meet them where they are, and be genuine. They know when you see them as a salvation project, and I think it turns them away.

So here's what's on my heart. In 1 Thes., it says to seperate yourselves from even the appearance of evil. I have heard this verse used many times to encourage believers to steer clear of anything that might expose us to something negative. I am not convinced that this verse is telling us to do that. I could be wrong. But if I am not willing to put myself in a situation where I might be exposed to something negative, then am I going to be able to reach people outside of my immediate circle of influence? Or in my case, within my immediate circle of influence. See previous post.

Our best example is always Christ, and we all know the riff raff He hung out with. Had He not been willing to dine with the tax collectors and prostitutes, He may have had a hard time reaching them. I find it hard to believe that while spending time with the lost, He was never exposed to anything that wasn't of God. I think we definately have to watch it, we are not Christ and could be led astray with too much exposure. But I believe that if I meet my lost in their environment, they are going to be more willing to meet me in mine (ya know.... the church).

Christ, Cake, and Ice Cream?

We've got another full weekend coming up.

Surprise!

This Sunday we celebrate the baby's third birthday. Her birthday was actually last Friday, but with preparing for school starting, awanas starting, fifth grade open house, preschool open house, and choir practice, we blew her off a week. As is the ritual, my family and a few of our oldest friends will be over for light grilling, cake, ice cream, and watching my child open all of her much needed gifts.

So what's the dilema?

A good portion of my family and friends are not believers. A good portion of them are. Doesn't usually come up at the gatherings. But maybe it should. These are the people I am closest to and they range from sweet little old ladies (my Granny... who is a saint), to backsliding believers, to recovered drug addicts, to raging alchoholics, and so on. And I dearly love them all.

I am just getting to know my dad again in the last couple of years, and I am ashamed to say, I don't honestly know where he stands. I know he can't stand holy rollers, though. His mother was an outrageous religious fanatic which drove him in the total opposite direction of Christ. But I also remember him being a believer when I was a very little girl.

I also have a friend coming that is a recovered addict, who as far as I know has never stepped foot in a church or heard a single bible story. I know she believes in God, though. I have thrown little tidbits out there about how God has used her unplanned pregnancy to deliver her from her addiction and she agrees. I gave her a bible a few months back and told her to start in the new testament or she would get bogged down with the old and never get to the Jesus part. That's about as far as I gotten. I deal with a lot of guilt over her because I have never just come out and told her all I know about Christ. She's knows that I am a Christian and that I want her to come to church with me, but I haven't laid it all out before her.

So I have heard time and again the encouraging words of Saint Frances of Assissi, that we should preach the Gospel at all times, and when neccessary, use words. And I am really trying hard to live it in front of my lost family and friends, but when does it become neccessary to use words?What if they never ask what caused my life to do a 180?

And then for my bunch, I am always concerned about pushing them away. I never want them to feel judged or condemned by me. I am worried that I will screw it all up and cause them to avoid being around me because instead of loving them and witnessing to them in a practical way, I become a joke, a fanatic roller who can't be taken seriously.

I guess I'll take any opportunity that presents itself at this little party, and do what I can. But if anyone has any good experience with witnessing to lost family and friends, please share. When do you cross over from trying to live out your faith in front of them, to verbalizing it?

Busy Like A Crown

Hello, Blogosphere! This is officially my first blog post (on my own blog) ever. So congratulations to you readers. I don't know much about blogging, so hopefully my knowledge will grow in the next weeks, and my blog will look better and better all the time.

I actually didn't plan to have my blog up and running for a couple more weeks because I have been sooooo busy, but here I am. Which opens for my point. Just like almost everyone I know, I get very caught up in being busy. I have a full time real estate career, a husband, and two daughters (preteen and three). I love to voluteer with anything I can to try to make a difference God's kingdom. So I commit to everything I possibly can..... and wing it from there. And like I said, I do love it. But lately, I find myself juggling, and feeling a little overwhelmed. I have been praying my way through it, and so far, so good.

So very recently I was asked to help with a new project. It's exiting, and something I will thoroughly enjoy and will allow me to be creative, and I really want to participate, but I know it will require another weekly meeting and very likely consume more time this fall. So I have been praying about it. And I really feel that God wants me to do this, too. I have cleared my head and have questioned all of my motives and I got my answer. I have prayed a lot in the last few weeks that God would give me the opportunity to reach out to people that aren't saved. I love being on the worship team and being a part of the student ministry, but I often wonder how many people I witness to that don't already know Christ. I have also prayed that He would give me the opportunity to use all of the junk from my past to serve Him. I would love to see Him take everything that the devil tryed to destroy me with and use it for His glory. And I believe that this is that opportunity.

I heard one of my favorite pastors speak on grace once. The main part of the sermon that still sticks out to me is that we get way too caught up in our day to day lives and that we wear busy like a crown. We want to serve in God's Kingdom, but we're so busy. We want to spend more time with our families, but we're so busy. And we want to live our lives, but we're so busy.

So just this week, I have been watching my morning sermons, usually Joyce Meyer and T.D. Jakes. And I have been fed a lot on grace, and have been reminded that if I am relying on myself to accomplish all that God has planned for me, then my heart is not in the right place. I need God's grace to accomplish anything at all for His kingdom. I have been reminded, yet again, it's not by works, but by faith. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I can enjoy doing all these things, too.