How much do you let others in? This morning, that was the question on my mind. For years I had the opinion that if you don't let others in, they won't hurt you. I know a lot of people who share that opinion. Have relationships, but don't get too close.
I have made many new friends in the last couple of years, and as you read in my previous post (Ice Queen...), I am trying very hard to be real with everyone. I want them to know me, and the real me, not the person you put on for church and parent teacher meetings. I am really enjoying myself, too. It's great letting your hair down, so to speak. Even if it is not 100% all of the time.
So back to the question of the day. Should we discuss issues with friends deeper than weekend plans, funny life stories, and struggles with kids? Do we dare discuss the things that God is revealing to us, the changes that the Holy Spirit is urging us to make, visions that God has given us for our futures, ect.? Scary. Or at least it is to me. That is a very vulnerable position to be in. In Luke, the bible says that when the wise men were telling about what God had done in their lives, Mary kept those things to herself and pondered them.
I had convinced myself this morning that it was fine for me to keep my God stuff to myself. People aren't really comfortable talking about that anyway, right? Then I read my friend's blog (kathyhickey.blogspot.com). She quoted an email she got from Rick Warren. The article addressed just this issue and it says that we should discuss the deeper life issues with our friends and let them know what God is doing in our lives so that they can support and offer guidance (or at least that's how I took it).
So which is it, keep and ponder? Or do we lay ourselves out there? This is a tough one for me. I am just not sure. I know that God has called us to have real and meaningful relationships with our brothers and sisters. However, when I do open up in that area, I often feel like I've said too much. On the flip side, lately I have the need to talk to some great and wise person that won't think I'm crazy and ask a few questions. The most great and wise person I know and trust is God, so here we are again.
Just curious, how open are you to your friends?
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5 comments:
Yeah, sweetie, I posted that primarily with you in mind. See, I LONG to know what God is speaking to you and how he is leading you, so I can pray for you better and encourage you more! That's one reason I wanted you to come on the girlfriend trip, so we would have time to talk.
Many times I have had the very same thoughts you're having about whether to share stuff or whether to just ponder in your heart the things God is speaking to you.
But just lately I've decided to just be myself with one trusted friend (who happens to be one of my spiritual leaders, but that's not a prerequisite). I just spill out my thoughts willy-nilly, and it feels really good! I highly recommend it!
The only caution I would have is to be sure it's someone you can trust. (I'm available, by the way!)
Sometimes you may share a vision that doesn't turn out to be exactly what you thought God was telling you, but it's really no big deal if your friend is a true friend. A real friend loves you warts and all!
I actually think warts make people more interesting!
Annette and I have shared everything for 20 years now. She gave me a little saying that's still hanging on my bedroom wall.
I'll post it on my blog.
I've always been a very open person. I am willing to share any information a friend may want to hear, and sometimes what they dont want to hear. I let my friends know what's going on with me, because I want the same from them. However, I feel that you must be sure of your friends before you reveal all. As you know, not all "friends" have your best interest at heart.
wow - those are really good comments - I am not sure I can add anything - except maybe some personal examples - I am a very open person and being in a leadership role and very open, that has caused hurt and trouble - sooo, I've had to learn wisdom (still learning) about how open and to whom I am open to. It really does feel good to just to be able to be yourself with at least one person - I can't wait until heaven when we will all be so open and close - when I first got saved, that's what I thought I would get here - ha!
Annette,
I know it's hard for you as a pastor's wife when people expect you to be one way and that's not the way God made you!
But if you hadn't been open to me, I never would have learned how to be open myself!
I guess you just really have to be discerning, huh?
It's cool how God always gives you at least one kindred spirit in every church you go to.
I'm glad I was the first!!!
I probably too open with my friends and I get hurt A LOT about seemingly everything. I just can't "put on a happy face" all the time. It's just not my nature. I appreciate and seek out real people because if you're not being real and know it, it shows. Perhaps I am scary to some people, and that's why I don't really have too many close friends, but I am ok with that most of the time as long as I don't have to be someone I am not.
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